I’ve Been There Before

I’ve Been There Before
Major Betzann Carroll

Perhaps you have explored the Rocky Mountains or experienced the view of the great Niagara Falls. You may have watched the sunset over the dancing waves of the Caribbean Sea or climbed the stairs that ascend the Great Wall of China. Some people have gone as far as the corner store and climbed the three or four flights of stairs to a cold cramped apartment. Perhaps you have explored local neighborhoods and experienced the thrill of family reunions and church suppers. Our travels are as varied as our dreams and visions.

However, we have all walked through doors of rejection; climbed mountains of fear, stared at sunsets of doubt and confusion. We have experienced storms of disappointment. The value of our experiences depends on the way we honestly see them. If we can see Christ in the midst of the worse situation, we will find healing and love.

Weeks in advance we start to prepare for Thanksgiving at The Cambridge Salvation Army. With several large dinners to prepare and serve, numerous Thanksgiving food baskets for families to pack and deliver, and services to conduct, we continue our regular weekly programs. One of the dinners is a sit down family style dinner for moms, dads, siblings and children from “Our Place” a homeless center for children. It is a festive event. We decorate, serve and entertain the families. The room was filled with mouthwatering aromas, volunteers excited chatter, and, of course, moms, dads, and children everywhere.

As the turkey and trimmings were being cleared from the table and the squash pie was being loaded with whipped cream, I happened to see a birthday cake on the counter. I asked the cook what the cake was for. There were so many events happening at once I was afraid that I had forgotten someone. She explained earlier in the week one of the moms called and asked if she could serve a cake to surprise her child’s father. She brought in a small cake and the cook frosted it for her. For the mom to bake a cake would be next to impossible. She would first have to find a kitchen stocked with such things as cake pans, a mixer, and an oven. Shelters were equipped with only the basics. The cook said, “She has been calling all week to make sure everything was ready.”

“I will turn out the lights and then would you bring the cake out?” she asked. She was bubbling with excitement.

“Sure, I would be pleased to bring it out,” was my reply to what I thought was a simple request. I looked down at the little round cake covered with chocolate frosting. “Happy Birthday” was written with white chocolate chips and an eight inch lighted candle was stuck in the center. The cake was placed on a foil covered cardboard. It appeared that most of the other mothers were in on the secret, because when the lights went out, they began to sing.

First, the father said nothing. His silence started to make everyone uncomfortable. His face became red. Then he rose to his feet as if he were ready to explode.

He slammed his chair against the wall. Before we had time to even respond he ran out the door. The mother burst into tears, pulling her child out of the highchair, and she too was out the door. The day care director followed them. There I stood with the little cake, as the 8” candle provided a pool of red wax for the white chocolate chips to swim in. Everyone’s face displayed his or her disappointment. At first they, as I, were trying to make sense of this situation. They felt the hurt the young mother experienced and more. It was as if they identified with her. They seemed to know the pain she was feeling. They were left wondering why the loving gesture she had attempted to provide was rejected. And then I heard the piercing words come from the front of the room.
“I have been there before!”

I felt helpless! I had been there before as well! I had stood in the place where what was meant as a kind and loving act was rejected. I looked again around the room as the lights were turned on. For a few minutes the room seemed to be in slow motion. Then gradually the chatter of the children broke the silence. The volunteers passed out the desserts. Soon there was whipped cream everywhere and the dinner continued, but without any birthday celebration. The cake found its way back on the counter in the kitchen.

Perhaps you have been there! Not the Rocky Mountains or the great Niagara Falls, but a place most uncomfortable. The place where your dreams were shattered, your confidence betrayed, your love spurned. It is in those places that Jesus asks us to draw close to him. Walking through the storms of disappointment and rejection we can find a shelter in His comfort and love. It is in the very lonely places of our life that Jesus wants to be. He promises to take us up when we are abandoned, to walk with us when we are alone. We can choose to allow Jesus to heal our wounds and be our source or we can remain broken and abandoned. We can be thankful for his presence while we mourn the hurt or loss. We can choose Christ.

Have you been there before? Look to a new beginning. Find a way to be surrounded by his love. Christ’s love allows us to say,

“I have been there…but I am not there anymore!”