Where Do Feelings Come From Anyway?

“Feelings, Nothing More Than feelings!” was a popular song in the seventies, which seemed to reduce love to mere feeling. “Nothing more!”

We arrived Easter Sunday morning ready to celebrate, encourage, and up-lift the congregation. Prior to the service a car drove into the parking lot. A mother got out, obviously in torment and pain as she made her plea. In the car was her twenty-six year old son sprawled out on the seat and having difficulty even speaking. “Please help me with my son? He’s been here in the recovery program before. I don’t know what to do. I am his mother and I love him. I have done everything I know, I am at a loss.” She had been picking up the pieces for him time after time, taking on his responsibilities and caring for her son. We told her to leave her son here. We would try to find him a detox. We told her to get in her car and go home to her eight year old grandson.. This love took a lot more than feelings…could she do it?

An email arrived from a woman whose feelings were raging on Easter afternoon. “I am not sure I can go on. I get so anxious and I am afraid I am going to explode. How can I even give value to my feelings? It is my husband who is dying. I love him. What can I do?” They had raised their children together, paid their bills together, and spent every night together. Feelings, there were many. Good marriages take more than feelings, much more. Now she found herself facing the impending grief and loss of the one she loved and feelings would not change that. She had shared feelings, laughter, but now felt she must go through this experience assisting her husband. Love took more than feelings…could she do it?

Another conversation with a young woman took place. She had two little babies and her husband was in trouble again. Again! How many times was this, she wasn’t counting. She only knew that again she would struggle while he practiced his favorite habit. “I love my husband, but as much as I feel for him, I need help. How can I care for these babies and deal with him. This seemed to be an impossible situation. Love takes more than feelings…could she do it?

Over and over hearts are broken, lives are shattered and hopelessly men, women and children go on wishing for more. “All You Need Is Love” is another song title. We are misled by the notion that the warm, fuzzy feelings are love. We get frustrated when the feelings we seek are just feelings and love. Love is more!

Love is letting your son go even when your heart says no. Love is overcoming the feelings of failure, abandonment and neglect. Love is more!

Love is allowing yourself to acknowledge your feelings, while dealing with your dying loved one. Love is dealing with everyday life and making decisions and plans, when you feel as if your world is falling apart. Love is more.

Love is not allowing your husband to abuse you. Love is caring for your family.
It is saying I cannot allow you to be a husband or a father to our children until you are not just sorry, but sorry enough to STOP. It is because I love you that I will not allow you to destroy yourself and your family in the process. Love is more.
“Love protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Over and over, hearts are broken and lives are shattered. They go on hopelessly captured by their feelings. Love is more than feelings. Love is hard work. It is perseverance. It is tough. Love is doing what has to be done regardless of how it makes you feel.
Love is much more than feelings.